. . . But there is much
to be borne. And one must be true.
Neither before nor after should we
look. But rather lie rocking.
Like a boat cradled in the sea.
— Hölderlin
And a second time he spoke
when the Lord kept the children beside him
and suffered them not to be taken away:
”These are the ones that are left us,
but where, Lord, is the Kingdom of Heaven?
Where, Lord, are the others?
What of them? What of them?
And he wept.
— Madeleine L’Engle
I did not know what was so special about lazing around the house, or shovelling the snow that it had to be recorded. But Gholam must definitely have known.
A couple months ago I came across a short, 15-minute film from 2023: “I Am Trying to Remember,” by Pegah Ahangarani. And I found it so completely arresting. I thought I would include it in a future newsletter, but it seems more appropriate for today. If you have 15 minutes, I highly recommend watching it.
“In dictatorships like Iran,” says Ahangarani, “part of history is constantly being wiped out, especially the brutality of crimes and the mass executions.” The film and the images of people who were lost, she says, is “a reminder that what happened then is happening today and that we should not be indifferent.”
So many. So many Gholams. So many Mohammeds, Amirs, Alis, Bahrams. So many Mehris, Mandanas, Zahrasadats. They were all executed. They were all erased.
I am thinking again of something from the Croatian writer Jadranka Brnčić:
Holy Saturday is a silent phase between the Good Friday and the Resurrection, but it is not an empty phase. On the contrary, in the experience of silence and notable absence, the solidarity of God with those who are suffering grief, pain, and abandonment is most clearly expressed. The experience of “no news” in the situation where good news is hoped for is an experience of deepest desperation, insecurity which paralyses human capacities to act – shall we accept the emptiness of death, or shall we continue hoping? Holy Saturday therefore offers a salvific reading of the situation of insecurity – sometimes there is nothing we can do to know more about the events or to change them, yet we constantly experience social or emotional pressure to “do something” or to “change something.” The theology of Holy Saturday therefore stands in juxtaposition to this pressure; it tells those who are deprived of means to change events that “doing nothing” save remembering is not an empty activity but a state of profound truth-seeking and truth-telling.
That quote comes from her excellent essay “Lost Bodies, Missing Persons, and Extended Mourning,” in which she addresses the kind of suffering specific to those whose loved ones have been “forcibly disappeared.” They are left in an extended and often permanent state of “ambiguous loss and unresolved grief” which, she explains, is not an occurrence that could warrant a term like “missing persons,” but is an instrument used by those in power alongside more flagrant forms of violence against civilian populations.
Holy Saturday is such a unique lens through which to see the world’s suffering. And I wonder if the “tragic waiting” that Brnčić and Ahangarani describe and that is experienced by so many is not one of the most exacting lenses through which to see Holy Saturday.