On the one hand, the lost sheep of the parable can be me or you or anyone reading the story. That coin could be any sinner, and we can all see ourselves as the prodigal son. And yet what is so striking in each of these stories is precisely the specificity: not a sheep and a coin and a son, but my lost sheep, the coin that I had lost, and this son of mine.
To be a parent, perhaps, is an education in haecceity. It is a realization that happens all at once, in the instant you are handed a crying baby to bring to your chest: The perfect, blurry image of the child you imagined is replaced with this child, with your child, and there is no going back. But it is also a realization that happens in fits and starts as this child comes into focus day by day—this child who doesn’t sleep through the night, who is sick, who is quick to anger and quick to laugh. This child who doesn’t want to play baseball or read or go to college. The way she worries. The way he talks with his hands. All at once, and then slowly again and again, one realizes that this living, breathing individual is not a pale imitation of some imagined ideal. That generic perfect child could not hold a candle to this one who exists.
To see our children in this way is not to hold illusions of their perfection. We still have hopes for them. We can be dismayed at their decisions. We suffer with their suffering. However, importantly, these hopes and frustrations are not (at least when we are at our best) the result of a comparison to some abstracted ideal child. We do not want a happy child. We want this child to be happy. The vision of flourishing we have for our children is a particular vision, not one in which the particular disappears into generic perfection. To be a parent is to recognize that the father in the parable who sees his son coming from a long way off, in that moment, feels not like a saint but like the luckiest man in the world.
I mentioned a few years ago that I hoped to see more from the excellent spark of Jennifer Banks’ Natality. LaGrand’s wonderful essay is that, and both are a great insight into what I have loved about Hannah Arendt.
And though I can’t, or don’t want to, explain why, I thought of Danusha Laméris poem “Arabic.” Do yourself a favor and read or listen to it as well.
From LaGrand’s closing paragraph:
There is much reason to despair in the world. One need not look far to find stories of great human suffering and great human evil. And yet, even as we mourn, we must be careful that this despair is not rooted in a two-dimensional vision of a restored kingdom whose calculus has no way to account for how a bleary-eyed child stumbling into a lap might change everything. If the work of loving the world is also the work of seeing the world, then we may be surprised at what we find when we put our clipboards down and take seriously the reality that “God so loved the world” means that God so loved this world. And amid all the renewal we long for, this world will not be abandoned.



