“that’s just what writers do”

Rachel Aviv:

Sacks once told a reporter that he hoped to be remembered as someone who “bore witness”—a term often used within medicine to describe the act of accompanying patients in their most vulnerable moments, rather than turning away. To bear witness is to recognize and respond to suffering that would otherwise go unseen. But perhaps bearing witness is incompatible with writing a story about it. In his journal, after a session with a patient with Tourette’s syndrome, Sacks describes the miracle of being “enabled to ‘feel’—that is, to imagine, with all the powers of my head and heart—how it felt to be another human being.” Empathy tends to be held up as a moral end point, as if it exists as its own little island of good work. And yet it is part of a longer transaction, and it is, fundamentally, a projection. A writer who imagines what it’s like to exist as another person must then translate that into his own idiom—a process that Sacks makes particularly literal.

By taking that process of translation literally, she means that Oliver Sacks often lied about his patients and very knowingly and deceptively inserted his own thoughts into the stories he wrote about them.

I haven’t thrown away his books yet, but honestly, I probably will.

Beyond what he called, in his own journals and letters, lies and falsification in his published work, it’s difficult not to conclude that, especially in the first half of his career, if Sacks was not a sociopath, he was darn uncomfortably close.

There’s plenty of space in that piece, and rightly, for sympathy toward Mr. Sacks. And the story of Sacks’ life will, I think, still show that he bore a heartfelt personal witness to many of his patients, who seemed genuinely to love and be loved by him. I hope his larger story continues to reflect that. But his books are now, for me anyway, utterly useless.

Sacks spoke of “animating” his patients, as if lending them some of his narrative energy. After living in the forgotten wards of hospitals, in a kind of narrative void, perhaps his patients felt that some inaccuracies were part of the exchange. Or maybe they thought, That’s just what writers do. Sacks established empathy as a quality every good doctor should possess, enshrining the ideal through his stories. But his case studies, and the genre they helped inspire, were never clear about what they exposed: the ease with which empathy can slide into something too creative, or invasive, or possessive. Therapists—and writers—inevitably see their subjects through the lens of their own lives, in ways that can be both generative and misleading.

I have been thinking a lot lately about, not just the shortfalls of writing, but the… — I’ve struggled to find the right word here, but it’s very close to corruption, the at least nearly built-in corrupting capacity of writing. As Aviv says in the first quote above, bearing witness might actually be incompatible with writing a story about it.

And I’ve been trying to add to this thought for the last few days with only partial success.

To be continued…

reason not the need

Tommy Dixon seems like a good writer who is living a life I admit some jealousy of. So I’m not knocking him when I say that I was not particularly moved to reflection by his latest piece on American Christmas Etc. — held back by caveats and whatnot, and, frankly, I don’t mind the borrowedness of it all.

Still, when he says in a footnote that “if you think about it, it’s a strange way to spend your time: walking around in brightly lit unfamiliar rooms, staring at objects made overseas you could or couldn’t buy and probably don’t need,” (caveat: O, reason not the need!) I hear precisely what Wendell Berry called “dumbfoundment / of the living flesh in the order of spending / and wasting.”

Honestly, I’ve been lucky dipping the shit out of Wendell Berry lately and he’s (unsurprisingly) batting a thousand. The bulk of the short poem that line comes from consists of a series of “remembers,” and it includes one of my favorite simple-big lines: “Remember the great sphere of the small / wren’s song.”

Remember the small
secret creases of the earth—the grassy,
the wooded, and the rocky—that the water
has made, finding its way. Remember
the voices of the water flowing. Remember
the water flowing under the shadows
of the trees, of the tall grasses, of the stones.
Remember the water striders walking over
the surface of the water as it flowed.
Remember the great sphere of the small
wren’s song, through which the water flowed
and the light fell. Remember, and come to rest
in light’s ordinary miracle.

by death abroad and greed at home

A friend of mine who is, like me, considering entering the Catholic Church recently expressed one of the reasons he demurs. He has talked with some local Catholic folks, both laymen and priests I believe, in his area and found what he describes as a lack of concern for (again, what he describes as) a troubling prevalence of non-Christian ideologies (Christian nationalism, antisemitism, anti-liberalism, etc.). My Catholic experience — my experience with Catholics — is nowhere near wide enough to confirm or deny this. But after my chat with a conservative Catholic acquaintance on Friday, I did get a taste of it. 

I had heard a week or two ago that this person got into a heated debate with another acquaintance, one who several of her closer friends describe as “very liberal.” Now, I call myself liberal all the time, by I almost always mean something very close to classical liberalism. The ground people tend to occupy when they call themselves liberal (and yes, people use that term to describe themselves in real life all the time), that is not ground I consider stable, comfortable — or, frankly, even friendly much of the time. Sure, I’m classically liberal(ish), but as I like to say to some lifelong Republican folks back home, to both happily and bitterly annoy the shit out them, I am also one of the last conservatives in almost any room I find myself in.

So when I ended up in the quicksand of political discussion and current affairs with this conservative Catholic of about my age, I expected I might find some overlap.

She was having none of it. And the conversation that unfolded, to the very awkward silence of four other people in the room whose politics I know nothing about, was one of the sadder experiences in recent memory. 

It started with a common enough line I’ve heard my whole life: “I don’t know how anyone could ever vote for a Democrat. Ever.” To which I said, “I certainly share the sentiment, but it’s definitely not that simple when your other option is a lying con artist who, to pick just one issue, is currently mass murdering civilians in the Caribbean.” Things quickly and systemically unraveled from there.

“I don’t think Trump lies at all.”

“I think if they work for a drug cartel, then they deserve it. They should be killed.”

“I don’t care if they haven’t proven anything, I trust them that they’re killing criminals.”

“If you do anything for a drug cartel, if you’re transporting drugs at all, then I think you’re a murderer and rapists and you deserve to die.”

These are only highlights, and they are not even slight exaggerations. And no matter how many times I tried to find common ground, she balked. No friends left or center I suppose.

And I would not even bother writing this down now at all if I did not have a much better, saner, sadder, lamenting and truthful voice to insert than my own:

The year begins with war.
Our bombs fall day and night,
Hour after hour, by death
Abroad appeasing wrath,
Folly, and greed at home.
Upon our giddy tower
We’d oversway the world.
Our hate comes down to kill
Those whom we do not see,
For we have given up
Our sight to those in power
And to machines, and now
Are blind to all the world.
This is a nation where
No lovely thing can last.
We trample, gouge, and blast;
The People leave the land;
The land flows to the sea.
Fine men and Women die,
The fine old houses fall,
The fine old trees come down:
Highway and shopping mall
Still guarantee the right
And liberty to be
A peaceful murderer,
A murderous worshipper,
A slender glutton, Forgiving
No enemy, forgiven
By none, we live the death
Of liberty, become
What we have feared to be.

Wendell Berry, 1991

From James Matthew Wilson’s “From a Rooftop”:

To look out on the city of your birth,

as headlights trace a pathway through the dark;

To see the distant white upon the dome

That governs every avenue and park,

Will leave you sensing what you had called home

Is where the body longs to meet with earth.

saved only by miracles

Nadezhda Mandelstam:

There had been a time when, terrified of chaos, we had all prayed for a strong system, for a powerful hand that would stem the angry human river overflowing its banks. This fear of chaos is perhaps the most permanent of our feelings—we have still not recovered from it, and it is passed on from one generation to another.…

What we wanted was for the course of history to be made smooth, all the ruts and potholes to be removed, so there should never again be any unforeseen events and everything should flow along evenly and according to plan. This longing prepared us, psychologically, for the appearance of the Wise Leaders who would tell us where we were going. And once they were there, we no longer ventured to act without their guidance and looked to them for direct instructions and foolproof prescriptions. Since we could offer no better prescriptions of our own, it was logical to accept the ones proposed from on high. The most we dared do was offer advice in some minor matter: would it be possible, for example, to allow different styles in carrying out the Party’s orders in art? We would like it so much. … In our blindness we ourselves [tried desperately] to impose unanimity—because in every disagreement, in every difference of opinion, we saw the beginnings of new anarchy and chaos. And either by silence or consent we ourselves helped the system to gain in strength and protect itself against its detractors…

So we went on, nursing a sense of our own inadequacy, until the moment came for each of us to discover from bitter experience how precarious was his own state of grace. This could only come from bitter personal experience, because we did not believe in other people’s. We really are inadequate and cannot be held responsible for our behavior. And we are saved only by miracles.

the amour of the amateur

Paul Sellers:

Stepping out of school that day was the best thing that ever happened to me. I walked away from the wire fences, rigid rules, punishment by caning and strapping, and I was set free. So it was too when I first understood why amateurs had the better life, independence brought beyond peer pressure and authoritarianism. It was another of those, ‘I didn’t know I couldn’t do it, so I did it’ moments. They lived in the love of their woodworking, and it made no difference how good they were at doing it, or how very bad they were…they lived for the doing of it!
[…]

These volunteers, and volunteers is indeed what they are, these entrepreneurs, these altruistics, pursue their quest for mastery no matter the obstacles they encounter. They willingly get together with other woodworkers, share their knowledge and skills, and band together to promote the art of what they believe in. Professionals tend to use the term amateur negatively, to draw a contrast between themselves and amateurs, even though, as said, amateurs might well be more knowledgeable, more dedicated and more skilful than any professional counterpart. Using the term derogatorily cannot really displace the essence and innocence of amateurism, so better to not distance themselves from the limitations of making only for money; many a professional will usually distance themselves from the term amateur as we have come to know it through the decades where most professionals fail to recognise the skills and abilities that carry the missing element in most professional realms and that is the significant ingredient we recognise simply as a love for the craft we do.
[…]

All in all, I am an amateur woodworker and hope to be so for the rest of my life.

I would like these words engraved over my lintel:

When the love of craft inspires us, self-discipline takes us into the deep.

Much else to be appreciated in that piece — ie. eg. “With an assurance of a predictable result, your positive feelings parallel the mind’s intent of your thought processing”; and, “But it wasn’t until I abandoned the ease of machine making altogether that I truly understood how machines became fully, dictatorially rigid and fixed and hand tools delivered the greater freedoms of versatility in the high demand of minute by minute critical thinking.”

I’m also struck by the overlap with yesterday’s short video from Two Birds Film, “The Good Farmer.

Long live the loving amateurs.

“if the church is Christian enough”

William E Pannel:

Pastor Arthur Simon, Lutheran clergyman, lives on New York’s Lower East Side. In a moving volume, Faces of Poverty, he describes the bland sameness of those who flee from the challenge to love one’s neighbor.

“It (the middle class) is self promoting because it places too high a value on our own comfort: it indicates an inordinate desire for earthly possessions; and it is nourished by a search for status. It is exclusive because in this style of life people of similar background and circumstances are drawn together like iron filings by a magnet, into neighborhoods which have systematically eliminated the less worthy. It is evasive because it cuts us off from precisely those people whose needs are most acute and to whom the Gospel recommends us most of all.”?

Self promoting, exclusive, evasive. One could passionately wish these words exclusive of the church. But, of course, the church is middle-class, even that section of it called evangelical, and rather than challenge the oppressive system which denudes men of their humanity, the church reflects these majority values. Sargent Shriver, Director of the Office of Economic Opportunity, reveals considerable savvy when he says that “Christianity sometimes seems to have a case of moral hemophilia: its sense of social responsibility is bleeding away. The test of 20th Century Christianity is not how much the poor enter into the life of the church, but how much the church enters into the life of the poor.” Amen. One wonders if the church is Christian enough to understand this, for of all people, the children of the poor pioneers are now those who like to excuse their insensitivity by quoting Christ’s words about “the poor ye have with you always.” Sure, as long as the well-off do not care.

“who can find a merciful neighbor?”

William E Pannel, introduction to My Friend, the Enemy, 1968:

My own personal hang-up stems from my growing desire, and I must add, need, to be properly related to my people, whoever they are, and to Christianity, whatever that is. My understanding of the latter is that Christianity is “Christ in you,” a definition calculated to set at rest my evangelical friends. This ought also to define the former, and so it does until I venture out of my study to associate with the rest of God’s family. Then the ideology blurs, and our devotion to each other becomes tentative and halting. Yet it is this search for family and the desire to belong that animates the current crisis in human relations. Martin Niemoeller declared several years ago that when the Heidelberg Confession was formulated the burning issue was “Who can find a merciful God?” Today, he said, the crucial issue is “Who can find a merciful neighbor?” If the church dares to wax theological and declare correctly that Jesus Christ is the answer to both questions, then she had better prepare to defend herself. I personally know churches in all kinds of denominations whose flight to suburbia testifies eloquently to their rejection of me as a brother and neighbor.

But then perhaps I am making too much of this. After all, isn’t our “citizenship in heaven?” Yes, but that gives little balm when viewing the bloodied form of a twelve-year-old lying face down on Newark’s cold pavement. Scriptural quotations about the end time and the spirit of the age fail to soothe a breaking spirit when one views children looting a neighborhood store for a paltry bag of potato chips. But what would my white brother know of this? He taught me to sing “Take The World But Give Me Jesus.” I took Jesus. He took the world and then voted right wing to insure his property rights. A riot can make you feel more lonely than suburbia will ever know.

So I’ve written a book, but the writing of it has settled very little. I’ve learned a bit more about myself, but writing has only intensified the anxiety and agony of being an alien in one’s own land. I respond to Frantz Fanon, who declared: “An endless task, the cataloguing of reality. We accumulate facts, we discuss them, but with every line that is written, with every statement that is made, one has the feeling of incompleteness.”