These are some maxims I’ve come to after many years of imbalance, lack of discernment, unwise choices, pride, delusions, zeal, laziness, despondency, independence and co-dependence.
We are called to self-giving, not self-harm.
We are called to self-lessness, not self-destruction.
We are called to spiritual disciplines, not spiritual masochism.
We are called to deny the flesh, not mutilate it.
We are called to lay aside all earthly cares, not all earthly necessities.
We are called to fasting, not starvation.
We are called to sacrifice our personal agendas, not our families and relationships.
We are called to give up our egos, not our mental health.
We are called to be godly, not God.
We are called to prayer, not a monastic rule and schedule.
We are called to be present for people, not omnipresent.
We are called to be strong, not omnipotent.
We are called to give our cloak if asked for a coat, but not to go naked.
We are called to step out on faith, not walk off a cliff.
We are called to not judge, not to be suckers.
We are called to walk the second mile with someone, not to carry them the entire distance.
We are called to help people, not support their lifestyle.
If you are doing the latter of these you are not being a saint, you are being a “martyr”, but not for God.
There is dysfunctionally/neurotic self-martyrdom that is chosen or manufactured. There are people who cannot live without drama, a cause, controversy, or someone/something to “save” requiring great sacrifices. And there are legitimately un-self-orchestrated difficult circumstances that require sacrifice beyond what you thought you were capable of enduring by the grace of God.
If you don’t know which is which in your life, perhaps you should look at finding a spiritual director, or therapist, or even a trusted spiritual friend that you will accept them calling BS on your “stuff” and work it out. It won’t happen over-night and without its own kind of suffering. But the middle path of pain is wisdom: knowing that both an easy life and a painful life can kill us spiritually if we have no discernment. If you die from suffering try to make sure it’s redemptive for yourself and the world and not an indictment of your poor judgment, choices and spiritual discernment.
But… in the end, in general, our intentions for the choices we made were good, even in great obliviousness and at great expense. And no matter how we chose to die and from what, God raises the dead, no matter how dead we are and how dead-end our efforts were.